Talk:Day 111-120/@comment-25978970-20150211175702/@comment-186.225.50.186-20150211183559

Good chapters (1 and 2), a few suggestions:

"I have to say, I was pretty impressed, in this room there was nearly a hundred ants scurrying to and fro* every which way."


 * m

"Just like that, the armored ant I was began * running full speed towards the Queen ant."


 * on/ or the armored ant that was carrying me

"“Yes and no little one. We transmit a signal when we think, this signal is received by others and in such * we communicate.”"


 * way

“Well, this is quite the surprise, sentient ants… Certainly * is a game world. The name I was called in my previous life was Aristocles.”


 * this

“What an in*siderate mouth indeed. If you feel so threatened, I shall tell you that there is no reason to slay one of my children. As a mother, even if you do not think * me as such, I have no desire to end the life of someone with such potential. You claim your name Aristocles yes? Very well, I grant this name to you. Now then, might you answer your Queen’s questions?”


 * con / *of

“Of course not… Aristocles…Mmmm, this name is difficult. Shall it bother yourself if this one and others of this race call * Are? (Sounds like >Air) The name you use is complicated for this race, many of our species will not be able to create your name, thus unable to communicate with yourself.”


 * you

“Your will * be done, my life is that for which serves the mother, I shall comply.”


 * shall (or your will will be done, but sounds strange)/ * and fulfilled sounds better than done for a vassal

---

Ah, does it mean your test went well ?