Thread:Caudyr/@comment-29246616-20160723145009/@comment-29246616-20160729171223

Day 61-70/Day 61/Sidestory: Male Elf's POV

hatable should be changed to loathsome or hateful, since there isn't really such a word... at least in abridged dictionaries,

"it is in the end of the same skeleton species." can be changed to "it is of the same skeleton species after all.". I felt that the "in the end" might be misunderstood as at the final stages of skeleton species or something

I also think that the following sentence: "After it was over, I was frustrated, but also felt refreshed." can be changed to "I was both frustrated but refreshed.", since the word "felt" was used again at the next sentence... and i really feel that it's smoother.

"Somewhere in my heart I thought, somehow, such living isn’t bad, unexpectedly." I would want to change it into "Somehow unexpectedly, somewhere in my heart I thought, such life isn't bad". It might be better to do away with the excessive commas  but i'm scared it might vary from the original translations.

Hope that I manage to help out a bit, i didnt change anything in the text... I changed it initially, but reverted the text to the original after re-reading your suggestion on top. Cheerios!